ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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