dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize