Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
