let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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