So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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