and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize