So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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