i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
