My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
