it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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