I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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