Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Randomize
