Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
