Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
is that a dick in a sweater?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Couch. On fire.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
