Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize