U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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