Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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