so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
