My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
