question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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