I hate all girls vehemently.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize