Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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