My first STD was from a foam party
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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