shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
