Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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