So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
