i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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