Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
