Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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