Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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