The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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