Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
