I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im holly from the hills drunk
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
