capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
