I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
