I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
