coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
