do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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