Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
