We won't sleep together?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
