I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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