Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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