The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
