This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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