Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
