I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
