Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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