Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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