spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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