Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
