): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Randomize
