I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
