Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you didnt know i had herpes?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Randomize