You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
