i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
