They should really pass out barf bags in church
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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