So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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