I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
