Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Randomize
