Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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