Dude my mom stole all your condoms
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
