Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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