He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
