i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize