My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
