Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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