just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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