also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
