Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
