So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
