Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I still have a little drunk in my system
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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