i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
