i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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