and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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