What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
