i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
